oh hello!
YES I KNOW!! I'M EXCITED TO SEE YOU AGAIN AS WELL!!
Sorry been MIA for a bit coz I was busy catching up with college and etc etc etc.
I'm back for today because I just have nothing better to do. Literally haha
I been out with 'em girls doin' some shoppin' at T.Nagar.
Now I'm back in my cold cold room.
I swear, I get cooked in a natural oven every single day, except on Sundays because I refrain from stepping out on Sundays.
Anyways, yes, got back, had tapau-ed sotong goreng for dinner.
It was when I was throwing out the garbage when I hear a close friend saying:
''I broke up with my boyfriend.''
& his name is Ashwin.
I shall now introduce my theory:
All men of the same name are undeniably the same.
General theory:
All men are dickheads. Except for your father.
Why I came up with the theory was because,
my recent ex-bf is also named Ashwin.
See the common point?
Yes.
So Ashwin and I were perfect together but then out of no blue moon (and also some unfortunate incidents in between) he decided that our relationship was dysfunctional.
Why?
I am yet to discover.
I have to say though, within the time we were together, I really fell in love with him.
because he literally fitted everything in my criteria.
Every box had a 'tick'.
EVEN BETTER, my mom approved him :)
only later I found out she approved because she 'sort-of-knew' we wouldn't last.
ouch?
Right, now, generally in a normal post break-up situation,
both parties would avoid contact and prolly even delete each other on FB and start bitching bout what a dick he is and what a whore she is.
Well, It wasn't like this with Ashwin and I.
Until today, 6 months after the sad sad day.. we still talk.
And, we still try to figure out how to fix things between us.
We'd still argue.. he'd still get jealous.
I still miss him.
We still spend time together.
We are in between friends and more than friends.
I'd like to call it a 'Flirtationship'.
For the past few months, I was temporarily dumb-ed.
I cried over something that wouldn't come back.
How stupid is that?
The thing is, we still love each other very much.
But we just can't get back together and make things okay again because....
simply because,
Ashwin is one lost soul.
Ashwin didn't know what he wanted. He wasn't sure if he wanted to take the risk of forever-ness with me. He just couldn't take another heartbreak. He needed space. What space? I will get to that later on.
And you know what's the funny thing?
He kept giving me hope and then end up crushing them to smithereens.
I was mind-fucked over and over and over again.
Despite all that, I waited.
So, who's the one breaking hearts?
Okay, now.
My friend broke up with another Ashwin, who also happens to be my guy best friend.
What I didn't understand about their relationship was:
How did they suddenly just fall in love? O.o
The situation was like this.
We all knew each other since the good ol' college days back in Malaysia.
And I don't think they talked much coz obviously, Ashwin was around my gang pretty much most of the time.
And when we got here, she never mentioned anything 'bout Ashwin until one day, I think, she became desperate for a boyfriend.
That's when she told me in the middle of Biochemistry that ''I think I like Ashwin.''
what?
Then a few weeks later, she jumps up to me and tells me they're official?
what?
Thing is, he's in Russia. He didn't like her.
Hence, this is one of the reasons why their 'relationship' was unstable.
She would Viber text him first and he would reply prolly 1 or 2 weeks later.
They barely talk, skype.. whatever. You know what I mean?
Their relationship was broken since the beginning.
Now, I can see that my friend DID really like Ashwin. How deep? No blinking idea.
And being his best friend, I already knew Ashwin didn't like her. Maybe as a sister or something. But I don't think he saw her as a lover.
If he did like her, he WOULD take the initiative to keep in touch, skype, talk, be the perfect boyfriend despite the distance.
But no, he gave her hope by saying yes I love you gal.
What the fuck.
This Ashwin is another lost soul.
He didn't really like the girl but he got together with her?
Huh? Where's the logic?
So today, as I was getting rid of the trash. I heard the news.
Apparently, she just couldn't take it anymore.
She can't stand not hearing from him. I totally understand.
The last time he replied to her msgs was in the beginning of April.
So she sent him a break-up text.
In which, he quickly and efficently(wtf?) replied.
Something like,
yea he's been wanting to tell her the same thing but was worried he's hurt her blablablayadiyadiyada.
WHAT.THE.FUCK.
I swear, I would've gave him a taste of my knuckles if he was here.
Then, my friend tells me 'bout her elder brother, another Ashvin. Except this is spelt
A-S-H-V-I-N
and not
A-S-H-W-I-N.
Nonetheless, they have the same meaning.
She says that he is also a playboy.
Hence, proving my theory.
All ASHWINs are the same. They're all lost lost souls who don't know what they want in relationships. And they make girls wait on 'em, breaking their hearts multiple times along the way.
Then, coming to the general theory.
All men except our fathers are all dickheads.
They like you. They got you. They didn't like you anymore. They dump you.
The best thing they say?
I NEED SPACE.
*cough*
What space?
If you really loved her, you wouldn't even want space.
What space?
Their d*cks too big they need space to hang it out?
Sorry if I sound vulgar but, seriously? Space?
Please.
It's so annoying.
Bluhdy morons.
Okay back to my Ashwin.
I guess I really liked him more than any other guys I've met so far.
He used to get to me so easily.
I would be mad at him, or I would try to ignore him.. he just has to say something and I'm on my knees.
My soft spot for him was hopeless.
But right now,
I'm totally fed up and tired of him.
I'm sick of crying and holding on to something that isn't there anymore.
He didn't care 'bout my feelings :) he's a selfish bastard.
He only thought bout how he felt.
He didn't know how much optimism it took me to stay with him even though every second of love I gave him broke my heart even more.
Now,
I can go any given day without even talking to me. It wouldn't even bug me that he's online on FB and he's not talking to me.
Nor do I intend to make conversations anyways.
He starts most of our convo these days.
I guess I'm slowly getting numb, you know?
I finally learned who to play his game, and it bugs him.
Even the blind can see, he's really not worth it anymore.
It's been 6 months, time to freaking move on.
However, though.
I might still take him back if ever he decides to come back.
MIGHT. Terms and conditions apply.
I know, you're prolly thinking 'Omg she is soooo stupid.'
but, seriously.
You never felt the way I felt about him.
You don't know how I felt being with him.
And I could tell, he truly loved me for who I am.
He liked me from the first time, for who I am.
He understands me like nobody else.
I've never met a man as commited as he is.
Nobody, and I literally meant, NOBODY has ever looked at me the way he looks at me.
Nobody has held me the way he holds me close to him.
:)
And all that, is just something left behind in the previous chapter of my life.
I don't know if he'll reappear again in later chapters but..
I think if God thinks it's meant for us to be together,
no matter what the fuck comes in between us,
we WILL be together again eventually.
Despite the fact that we are both of a different skin colour, different religion,
we loved each other.
And I think people should stop the whole bullshit 'bout cross-marriage and stuff.
We're all humans anyways.
And girls,
crying during the relationship is good, because you're trying to save the relationship.
But crying after? That's just called stupidity.
He left you, because you're just too good for him and he couldn't take it.
:)
God knows what He's doin'.
I hope. Have faith ladies :)
